I'm not really sure if this is the right place for this but... This is something I wrote a few years ago, originally it was a short song, It's not very good but I felt like posting something, so here you go.
Who made these footsteps in the sand?
Only to be washed away by sea
Who made these footsteps in the sand?
I'd like to follow them and see
Now two sets of footsteps mark the sand
Only to be washed away by sea
One set was made by Who
And the other set was made by me
Only to be washed away by sea.
Only to be washed away by sea...
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I really liked this, and you should definately keep working on it. It would help if you made it longer, to add more to the thoughts you have here, and add more thoughts. I'd probably add more metaphors.
I would change the punctuation there to: 'Who made these footstepts in the sand,
Only to be washed away by sea?'
Maybe if you make it longer, depending on how long you make it, you could make your second verse here into a kind of a refrain, with little changes in it each time to reflect the verses before it. That's how it struck me when I read it, as a refrain.
~adna
It seems a lot like a verse out of a song or something. I loved the beginning, but I think it got a little....um....*searching for words*....it lacked flow at the end. It seemed to get a little messy.
It seems as if it needs more syllables. Or less, as I just realized/demonstrated. If you take out a few words, I think the flow gets a lot better.
MERRY WRITING
~Bella~
my edits in bold
Overall, I really like it. A nice, simple, easy to read piece of work that tells a story in few words, and is fun to read. Your rhythm is off, though....
I guess I'll try this...here's the poem according to the edits by Teh Wozzinator:
Who made these footsteps in the sand?
Only to be washed away by sea
Who made these footsteps in the sand?
I'd like to follow them and see (??? maybe change this....<<that [and this] aren't part of the poem!! lol)
Now two sets of footsteps mark the sand
One set was made by--who?--
And the other made by me.
Only to be washed away by sea,
To be washed away by sea....
Do whatever you feel like doing, this is my opinion, so you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to... especially if you weren't planning on editing it anyways.
Again, I really liked it, nice rhythm, so keep writing, and I'll keep reading!!!!!!
Teh Wozzinator
I liked it, but I didn't really understand it really. It was kind of confusing...
Well, it just might be me. XD
I really liked this! It provides excellent imagery and you have a smoothe flow that keeps your readers wanting more. (hint hint, nudge nudge. lol) Looking forward to the rest of your poems!
Job very well done.
~*Syd*~
Thanks for the comments everyone! Perhaps I will add more...
You have great rhythm and literary insight, but I agree with some of the other people who have commented- I want more!
You have such a good thread of thought going on here that I think you could do more with it rather easily. Good Luck!
well it started off like it could go into deep sentimental stuff then left me hanging at the end with out a complete thought
This was cute. I'd change the punctuation in the first stanza to:
"Who made these footsteps in the sand,
Soon to be washed away by the sea?" (Think the slight alteration here sounds a little better. You could use "doomed" instead of "soon" also.) I'd also put a full stop after "see."
I'd change the fourth line of the second stanza to "and the other made by me." as it works better with the rhythm.
I'd cut "Only to be washed..." out of that verse altogther. I think you could expand on this, and I'd tighten your conclusion, maybe with a rhyming couplet.
I'd try to vary the words which you use in this poem, as it makes it more interesting for the reader. This was a nice piece, but I think that it would benefit from some expansion and some more vivid imagery, and also from a greater variety of words. Maybe try this without rhyme. I think it will free you.
Hope this helps.
Jas
Thanks for the comments everyone. I wasn't really planning to do anything with this one but its still nice to know what people think. You all have some really good suggestions, thanks!
It has a really good rhythm to it. Something that would nice for spoken word or lyrics. And it certainly makes you think, doesn't it?
It's short but to the point and I like that you left it open like that. It allows the reader to draw their own conclusion as to what the poem really means.
Good use of symbolism too, wether it was intended or not.
If you're going to capitilize 'Who' you should capitilize 'me'. Although you could de-capitilize 'Who', in the second stanza, and you'd be good. And if you're going to add an ellipsis to the last line add it to the second last line as well -- or just remove it entirely -- again this is just to make the poem look neater.
its a nice start. but i think you should make it longer, so that we get to see and understand more of what you're trying to capture. Having just two short stanzas like that leave the readers hanging and i still don't really know what you are trying to say here..
but its a really good beginning. i can imagine it being the beginning of a song. =)
- jazii
I like this one, it has some imagery, but I think it would be better if you've used some metaphors.
(Don't really trust what I say, I'm no good with criticizing...) 
Anyway, keep up the work.